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| Tuesday, March 25, 2008 |
or maybe not that stage yet.. maybe just stress.. but after ytd i read my ODB(have been a long long time nv really study it) if now wan me to carry the cross with Jesus maybe i will have the gut to follow him.. cos i don like this world.. but before i leave this world.. I MUST FINISH MY BIBLE STUDIES... and become christ-like human.. As well as serve God and do good works.. and go to church So becos of all this tasks.. i request God pls don end the world.. becos i have a lot a lot haven learn and understand.. before i finish the tasks.. don take me away also.. if not i have no guts to face God and myself.. Sorry for being emo.. just feeling quite stress.. I really can't stand myself for being so timid.. and eng so lousy.. no confidence is my biggest problem and ever.. becos when ever i have no confidence i do thing not well.. becos i have no confidence when i speak eng i feel very nervous and stress.. i very scare i'll say a broken eng and i'm timid.. i care on how ppl think on me.. i very scare they laugh at me.. i very regret to call myself Ruth.. becos i can't even pronoun probably! today gonna feel offenced by my lecturer.. i said my name for 3 times he still donno how to pronoun so i spell it out.. he corrected me in such way that i feel so offenced.. u nv see his face wa liao si bei tao.. so what if his eng is gd.. still insist us to speak eng no chinese! excuse me spore is a racial harmony country k.. tmd.. till now i feel so embarrassing.. cos is in front of my classmates.. i donno why now i speak eng i will nervous and worry.. i very scare i say wrongly.. actually last time already like that but now i think worsen.. So i very scare ppl laugh at my pronunciation.. don see i laugh laugh.. later i go home i will think about it and sad for few mins.. LOL.. today i want to say a simple 3 words to my friend ''you frightened me''.. in my mind i know what to say out but when i worry i can't say out.. this is small matter.. but to me this matter caused me a lot of inconvenience.. now ask me to speak eng.. my eng is super broken and ji dei ji dei.. last time ite not like that so jia lat de.. now maybe becos mixed with those eng very gd de.. i don dare to speak eng.. if can speak chinese i will alway use chinese instead of eng.. i feel so stress to use eng.. after saying each sentence i will keep on thinking whether did i say correctly.. this semester a lot of things are not going smooth.. everyday don wish to go to sch.. but after thinking that 6 weeks will pass very soon.. will feel better.. =) And most importantly i think i have the feel.. i found my feel back! IS GOD! this past 6 months i think i had become a lost sheep.. faith is not stable.. Now i want to get back all my enthusiasm and my faith! I want God! i gonna get back to him before i gone depression.. *He is the reason that i live* |
| Dancing Ruth ♥ 10:31 pm |
| Here i am |
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Juan, Ruth
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